CRJ #4

Sex, Power, and Intimacy was a very intriguing chapter for me. I think that Pepper Shwartz and Virginia Rutter make a really good point when they stated that “sexuality is about society as much as it is about biological urges.” I believe that our culture has made sexuality a social status rather than sexual identity. Often times it is not about your biological urges, it is about who you are supposed to be attracted to. Our society has made up a lot of different hurtful names to express our disgust for homosexuality. However, I think that people should not be criticized for their preference for a given sex.
Politics of sexuality implies issues associated with the distribution of power in sexual relationships. I think that politics of sexuality is very relevant in the discussion of relationships because, it shows that even in heterosexual couples, gender affects your roles. For example, men often feel like they are superior to women and this might lead the woman in the relationship into feeling like she is “owned” by the man. I think that politics of sexuality also explains why a lot of homosexual couples like to play roles. I often see one person in the homosexual relationship as being more masculine and the other person as being more feminine.
On the other side of the spectrum, there is romantic love. Romantic love is couples coming together, sharing the excitement of an erotic relationship and feeling united with the other in such a way that the other is unique and irreplaceable. Romantic love is closely related to consumer culture. Once we enter a romantic relationship, we start buying products for our loved ones. These products have developed from simple Valentine’s Day flowers and chocolates to romantic get-aways and cars. Romantic love is viewed as the women’s domain and we are expected to look wonderful with our make-up, clothes and hair, and spend a lot of time, emotion, and money to maintain our romantic love. As much as I don’t like the idea of romantic love being the “women’s domain,” I do think that this is true because I spend a lot more time getting ready than my boyfriend, and I often spend time making my boyfriend emotional presents such as picture collages. The book also explains that men usually take a more instrumental approach or, sex without emotional strings, while women are more expressive in their relationships.
Aside from the normal reading, I really enjoyed reading 29, I Was a Cosmo Sex Deviant, by A. E. Berkowitz. I am a fan of a lot of different magazines including Cosmopolitan. I like to look at the different quizzes and the advice that they give, however, I do not always agree with them. I feel that they are just there to create a label for society and often times I am more inclined to put down an answer that I know will give me a different outcome. I like Berkowitz, found that most of the time your score is completely dependent on one important question in the quiz which is not very accurate.
I also enjoyed reading 33, Women, Sexuality, and Social Change in the Middle East, by Pinar Ilkkaracan. It is very interesting to learn about what is acceptable in the Middle East and what the Qur’an states. For instance, the penalty for adultery for a man or a woman is 100 lashes! I also find it absurd that Muslims try to control women’s sexuality by extreme veiling with a hijab. In addition to extreme veiling, there are arranged marriages and unequal rights. The oppression of women in the Middle East and the Muslim world is due to historical, sociopolitical, and economic factors. I believe that it will be very hard for the Muslim women to change these practices.